Monday, July 22, 2013

Appreciating Life

This morning I woke up and didn't feel that sick! It's like a dark film had covered my eyes for a week, but now it was gone and I could see light and joy and everything right with the world. I lay in bed and spread out (Michael was already up), I felt the plush pillow next to me and just felt so happy that it was so soft (I like soft things), I thought of all the delicious things I could eat for breakfast, and when my husband was done getting ready I kissed the heck out of him because he is so stinkin' cute. I still have barely any energy. Walking to the kitchen gets me out of breath, but ALWAYS after feeling sick, this is how I feel. The tiniest things make me happy and I can stop thinking about whether or not I should continue with chemo. I can stop thinking about fatigue and the sickness and the toll this is taking on my family. I can just think about how beautiful life is and how I never want a plush pillow or delicious breakfast to go unappreciated.

That's the thing about cancer. When I am sick I close my eyes and do my best to escape to any place other than the one I'm in. Any place with less pain, sickness, and hard things. When I feel well my eyes are wide open, soaking up and appreciating life. It's quite the roller coaster. Those bad times increase the magnitude of every great moment though. My one fear is that this appreciation for life will slowly fade after I finish treatment. I'll go back to my same old self complaining about the same old stupid things. I'm sure it will fade somewhat, but I don't actually think you could ever go through something like this and stay the same. I hope not.

6 comments:

  1. Crystal, it's your uncle Darren. I can not begin to imagine this journey that you have found yourself on, but your insight into not taking things for granted and enjoying each and every piece and part of every new day we are given is absolutely spot on perfect. Know that you are loved in PA and prayed for continually.

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  2. Crystal, glad you posted some more. I've been looking pretty much everyday to see if you posted anything and to see how you are getting on. My daughter Sarah had her allograft surgery on June 14th and it went well. She'll be able to actually bear some weight on her foot this Friday. She's not happy that she has 6 more months of chemo. Like you, it's grueling and very hard. Just know you aren't alone and there are people thinking about you and praying for you. Thanks for writing! Kelli from CA.

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  3. Crystal, you should write a book. Your insights are deep and rich. You are a great writer. So articulate. We pray for you and Mike daily and love to read your posts. Hang in there girl. We love you.

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  4. Oh hey, Mrs. Gleav...Nelson here. :) I just wanted to say you rock my socks. Also, I love what you wrote in that last paragraph. Hold to that appreciation of life, you are incredible.

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  5. Crystal I spoke with you on the phone yesterday about my daughter who was just diagnosed with Osteosarcoma. I have been reading your blog and looking at pics all morning. Just wanted to tell you what a beautiful strong woman you are! Talking to you has helped me alot. Good luck to you on the rest of your journey and just want you to know that we will pray for you daily!! Much love to you!

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  6. Hello Mrs. C!!! This is Eliza (note passer/shortie) and Annalyse (tall one) from fifth grade (four years ago), when you taught at hobble creek! We were the first class you taught! We miss and love you, and we always talk about how you were our favorite teacher!

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