Monday, July 22, 2013

Appreciating Life

This morning I woke up and didn't feel that sick! It's like a dark film had covered my eyes for a week, but now it was gone and I could see light and joy and everything right with the world. I lay in bed and spread out (Michael was already up), I felt the plush pillow next to me and just felt so happy that it was so soft (I like soft things), I thought of all the delicious things I could eat for breakfast, and when my husband was done getting ready I kissed the heck out of him because he is so stinkin' cute. I still have barely any energy. Walking to the kitchen gets me out of breath, but ALWAYS after feeling sick, this is how I feel. The tiniest things make me happy and I can stop thinking about whether or not I should continue with chemo. I can stop thinking about fatigue and the sickness and the toll this is taking on my family. I can just think about how beautiful life is and how I never want a plush pillow or delicious breakfast to go unappreciated.

That's the thing about cancer. When I am sick I close my eyes and do my best to escape to any place other than the one I'm in. Any place with less pain, sickness, and hard things. When I feel well my eyes are wide open, soaking up and appreciating life. It's quite the roller coaster. Those bad times increase the magnitude of every great moment though. My one fear is that this appreciation for life will slowly fade after I finish treatment. I'll go back to my same old self complaining about the same old stupid things. I'm sure it will fade somewhat, but I don't actually think you could ever go through something like this and stay the same. I hope not.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

4th of July Weekend

I have officially been home for a week now and I feel great! I've been feeling really good since last Saturday, but have just started getting my energy back up in the last few days. I know I said I would talk more about the ICU, but I want to talk about other stuff.

After I got home my body was still soo tired. But I recovered well enough to attend Drum Corps Encore on the 3rd. Michael is a drummer and big into marching band stuff, so I was excited to go with him as an early anniversary celebration. Some of the bands were incredible and the Santa Clara Vanguard was jaw-droppingly good. They played music from Les Miserables and I don't think anyone wanted them to stop playing.

The 4th of July at the Christensen house is always fun because our porch faces the parade route. We can count on people camping out on our lawn the night before and us getting yelled at for forgetting to turn off our sprinklers (Uhh, wait why are you mad at us? Aren't you the ones camping on our front lawn without asking? Crazy Provo people.) We can also count on lots of noise late into the night and early in the morning. Fireworks, yelling, bands practicing, horns honking, the works. I know I sound sarcastic in saying it's fun, but it really is. This year was no exception.

Another treat was my parents taking us to Stadium of Fire. This year Cirque du Soleil, Carly Rae Jeppson, and Kelly Clarkson all performed followed by an incredible fireworks show. I'm going to be honest, Kelly put on an awesome show and I loved it. She blew Taylor Swift out of the water as far as stage presence and being at ease with the crowd. And that girl's vocals... Shoot. I'm a fan.

So that was my fun, healthy week. I am checking back in to the hospital on Monday and will be there through Friday, meaning Michael and I get to spend our 2 year anniversary in the hospital. Boo. But a 2 year anniversary in the hospital means 80 more anniversaries out of the hospital, so I'm all for it.

"Michael, it's my first time in the ICU! Take a picture!"