Yesterday was my first day feeling like a real sick person. I went up to LDS Hospital in Salt Lake for a biopsy of the growth on my leg. Not gonna lie, it was actually kind of awesome. They were super nice, gave me cool fuzzy socks, gave me heated blankets, and I got to hang out/sleep in a hospital bed that moves up and down (my first time!). A biopsy sounds like a crazy intense operation, but really they just stuck a hollow needle into my leg and sucked out three different samples of the growth. All the doctors are calling it a tumor, but "growth" sounds slightly less scary, right? Anyway, I know this will make me sound like a drug addict, but I enjoyed the experience because they injected this stuff into me to make me feel super relaxed. The past few days I had been feeling constant anxiety, and it just felt nice to feel relaxed and chilled out and fall asleep without feeling tense and afraid. I'm like, can I take some of this to go? Ha ha. I'm really not a drug addict guys, promise. After I woke up they brought me food that Michael and I shared (I hadn't eaten anything all day and had probably only eaten 500 calories the day before). Shortly after, my parents showed up! It was so nice to see them. PLUS they took us out to Olive Garden afterward. That is probably my favorite restaurant ever.
Today wasn't as big of a deal. I had a bone scan where they injected me with this thing that attaches itself to all my bones. Two hours later, they scanned my body and because of the stuff they injected into me, any place where the bones were working harder was bright white on the scan. It was kind of neat to see. Just below my knee, there was a huge, glowing white spot, but I didn't see any other spots on the scan. (Since I'm such an expert on interpreting images). What kills me is they were like, "Okay, our radiologist should have a summary of what he sees on the scan in 15 minutes and then we can send it to your doctor. " And I'm like, "Can I just wait 15 minutes and you can tell me what he found?" Apparently he can't; it has to go through my doctor. So lame! I just want to KNOW! If the cancer is really isolated just below my knee with no signs of mets anywhere else in my body, the prognosis is SO much better. Still no guarantees, but much better.
The one thing that was really hard about today, is my bone scan was at a cancer center, meaning all the patients there have or have had some kind of cancer. When I was in the waiting area they kept pushing young kids with cancer in wheel chairs by me. I didn't expect to have the feelings I had when I saw them. I felt scared and kind of freaked out. They were so pale and sickly looking. I smiled and waved at one boy stopped next to me and I felt so bad for him. He didn't smile, he just looked at me with empty, scared, tired eyes. I don't want that to happen to me! Before that experience I had really just thought of chemo as making me lose my hair and making me feel a little tired. I think it's going to end up being a lot more than that though.
When I left, I still couldn't stop thinking about those kids. I really hope that if this does turn out to be osteosarcoma like we suspect, and if I do have to go through chemotherapy like we suspect, that I can interact with kids who have cancer. I want to play with them and be an example to them and make them happy. Ideas like that make me more excited for the positive things that can result from a cancer diagnosis and less scared for myself.
Okay, I'm going to fall asleep any second now. I'm exhausted. Good night blog!