Friday, February 8, 2013

Highs and Lows

Every low moment in this journey has been preceded and succeeded by high moments that more than compensate for the lows. Yesterday I hit another low. I got out of the hospital on Monday, but was just feeling really sick and horrible still Tuesday through Thursday. I don't usually feel that bad between methotrexate treatments, so it was really discouraging that I had to come check back into the hospital yesterday before I had even finished recovering from my previous hospital stay. My sister came to pick me up in the morning to go to the hospital and I was still in my pajama bottoms and hadn't finished packing. I felt sick and tired and essentially had a melt down. I lost it. My sister brought my duffle bag out to the car and while she was outside I burst into tears. I really just didn't see how I could go back and put myself through the sickness again. Michael pulled me onto his lap and wiped away my tears. He insisted I could do it and then proceeded to tell dumb jokes like he always does to make me feel better. I was able to pull it together and make it to the hospital, but I still had that feeling of despair sitting deep in the pit of my stomach, wearing away at my resolve to continue with treatment. Like I said, that was a low for me. The highs that have accompanied that low have more than compensated for the trials though. Like, for example:

I had one of the neatest experiences on Tuesday. One of my very dear friends and pretty much my idol in life came to visit me along with her two sweet kids. I taught with her last year and she is just everything that I want to be. Anyway, I could go on all day about how incredible this woman is, but to the point, Crystal. Geeze. She walked into my house with a huge gift bag. Hmm. Wasn't expecting that. And then I opened the gift bag. My eyes started to well up as I pulled out a beautifully crocheted blanket from the secretary at my previous school. There was a card signed by most of the faculty there. And there was a hot pink tablet case. Uh, what? My heart almost stopped. I finished pulling out the rest of the tissue paper to find a brand new Nexus 7. Yeah. Apparently the faculty at Hobble Creek pitched in to buy it for me so I can bring it back and forth to the hospital with me. I am still in shock. I couldn't believe how thoughtful they were! I am obsessed with my new Nexus. I have probably played Boggle on there over 100 times already, I'm loving playing Words With Friends back and forth with my husband while I'm stuck here and he's in Provo, and I am even typing this blog post on the Nexus. I know I've said this before, but I am just constantly blown away by how good and thoughtful people are. I couldn't even begin to list all the amazing, kind things you have all done for me, but know that the Facebook messages, texts, comments, phone calls, visits at home and in the hospital, dinners, hats, socks, blankets, cards, and letters have not gone unnoticed. You are all truly inspiring and make me feel like I really can make it through this. You guys make me want to be so much better than I am. So thank you. To all of you.

Another high was having my sister spend the night in the hospital with me last night. She climbed up on bed with me and we played Boggle on the Nexus for hours. It was a blast! I'm so lucky to have her here.

The last high was this morning. Today I went on as walk around my floor and it was so fun! If you walk around the whole floor 10 times it equals a mile. Guess who pushed her IV stand around the floor 10 times? Oh yeah. Considering I usually get tired after standing up for more than a couple minutes, this was quite the accomplishment. During my walk a bald guy complimented me on my bald head. I was like, "Do you have cancer too?" Nope. He was just a nice bald guy. Ha ha. We compared head shapes and smoothness and I quite enjoyed it. But note to self: maybe I shouldn't ask every bald guy I meet if he has cancer. Ha ha.


  1. Very funny story about the nice bald guy. I'll have to remember that the next time I want to give a bald guy a hard time.

    Congrats on getting through your last methotrexate before surgery. Grandma's looking forward to seeing you next week.

  2. Did you finish walking around the additional 4 times without me? Good job! :)P.S. I feel honored to be the only picture in this post!

  3. Thank you again for sharing, Crystal. You are amazing and help inspire me. You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers!

  4. Love your spirit! Glad you have highs that make the lows tolerable. You are in our thoughts and prayers daily. Love your blog and the stories, though sometimes it's hard to read through the tears as I picture what you are going through. We love you and Michael so much though we can't be there to see you and hug you. Thanks for the inspiration that you give me to be a better person. We are praying for success with your surgery.